“We truly only have THIS moment…Time IS our most valuable Asset“
The events that came after putting my heart out on my first live EVER on social media made our lives take an unexpected turn that has brought new perspectives and realizations into my life, and I have to thank creativity for helping me process my loss and what happened. I’m here to share the art and mindset that got me through it.
I am more and more convinced that creativity can help us process difficult transitions and times in our lives and even support us in our healing, not just mentally but physically.
So many terrible things have happened in the last couple of years, it seems if you choose to focus on it for too long, it can really put a whole in your heart and make our everyday lives a lot harder. We can’t deny the terrible things that have happened and seem to continue to happen, but we also have the choice to focus on the good that’s around us in the present moment, to focus on the things we can control in our everyday life to make the world a better place.
The time we have today is all we really have…
It’s so easy to spend time comparing ourselves, judging others, and even put ourselves down, and go into a dark place and stay there for maybe too long sometimes, but how can spending any time judging, comparing or criticizing ourselves or others help us now or in the future or anyone for that matter?
Perhaps I’ve suffered enough that I want to spend the least amount of time in that horrible dark place. And spend more time finding joy, happiness and peace.
I have chosen to believe in taking the “really bad” and “really good” as seasons in time, that bring lessons and new perspectives. It doesn’t mean my days are always perfect or that I don’t make any mistakes along the way, it’s simply a perspective to live by and choices I get to make every day that no matter how small, they bring forth my purpose in this world.
I’ve been through a lot in my short 36 years of life, and after my dad’s stroke and my mom’s cervical cancer, I have put a big effort to take the lessons from these terrible events into my own life, doing all I can to take care of my health, for me and for my family in the future. But no matter how much I do, I’m human, and it turns out if you have a large cyst in your body and you go to a trampoline park, your cyst can turn over and squeeze your ovary causing so much pain you might as well be in labor.
The scary part was probably realizing I didn’t have an established Dr that would see me or the results of my CAT scan which showed a 4.5 in body mass by my ovary and a small lesion in my liver, it wasn’t until two days later that my obgyn office got back to me and we at least had some answers.
I’m terrified to be on camera or be the center of attention, but I had told myself I would go live for months, with several different ideas, but all my fears kept finding reasons for me not to do this. One day, in the worst I had heard about the war situation yet, I had this idea, I truly felt it was a slight possibility of hope and help to end the war that we can feel from thousands of miles away.
While I didn’t get the “Likes” or a big turnout online that maybe I thought it could, I knew the people that really mattered to me were supporting me and participating with me, including even some of my family in El Salvador were there in spirit. If only I had a way to measure the energy that we all had in that moment, I felt it in my heart and I felt at peace for making an effort to do something to bring hope and support to end the horrible war and events happening in our world.
You would think I would had been celebrating afterwards with how good I felt all day and even though the live event, but our minds and emotions can really trick us sometimes, and afterwards, instead of focusing on the fear I had just conquered and the good I had just done, I focused on all the things I had done wrong, on the results and not on what really mattered and what I had accomplished for myself. Instead, I was upset and I made our home upset. I was triggered and it took me a lot of tears and emotional work to get out of it.
While I don’t know this for a fact, the turn of events in those short weeks for me made me wonder how much our minds are connected to our health, and our actions to our path, because my physical body took a big turn that taught me how much grace and patience I still need to learn to give to myself. The surgery forced me yet again, to really slow down and refocus my time.
There is so much I’m still learning in this creative journey, because the fact is that I did something I was afraid to do and I did it with the most sincere passion and believe that this could be something that could make a difference for anyone going through a really hard time. And now it’s here, in the virtual world, and if you are reading this, you were meant to find it now and I hope it gives you a little bit of hope and inspiration today.
I had scheduled a “Purposeful Minute for Peace” (Which you can watch below) for a Friday evening, just as we were about to begin our fun spring break plans.
Monday came, and our week began with a trip to the urgent care. I had excruciating pelvic pain which could only remind me of labor. I ended up having emergency surgery by the end of the week to remove a large ovarian cyst that had twisted around my ovary, which also took my right ovary and fallopian tube.
Those weeks were not easy for our family, it was a door knock at my health, my relationships, and our lives as a family and entrepreneurs. I’m SO thankful for the support from my family and friends, and for my husband truly being there for me in the darkest moments. It was a reminder of what really matters the most, the relationship I have with myself and those I love the most.
I’m still adjusting to the loss of my ovary, and I realize we as women don’t talk about these things happening to us much, because afterwards, I learned about so many of my friends that went through a horrible cyst experience or had a similar surgery.
Perhaps anyone that loses any part of their body feels this way, but this experience has definitely brought a lot of fears about my health as a woman and my hormones, the posibility of early menopause, and more, but I also know that it could be so much worst and I’m no longer in the horrific pain I was in, which Im so grateful, and I know it’s another opportunity to keep learning and understanding my body and improve my health.
Now that it’s been a couple of months since my surgery, my body is adjusting, but I also feel stronger than ever and I know I’m on the path to better health. I used my creativity to process a lot of what had happened, meditation to get through the pain mentally, and yoga to gain my physical strength back.
I’m choosing to put my self care time first and as a priority even more than I was before, especially when it comes to yoga, and I keep doing what I call my fear training, which has been learning to surf, I’ve been trying consistently over a year now and making progress (More to come on that later).
I’ve also felt the most productive I’ve ever been and I’m putting my efforts in building a Purposeful Dreamer in my own ways, starting from this website which I’ve been working on for almost two years.
It’s hard to think sometimes how so much can change in our lives from one day to the next, this game of time in our lives sure plays funny games in our minds with so many paradoxes to understand about ourselves and our world.
While I don’t know what the future holds, I know I have to make the time to put my self care first each day, for me and to truly be there for those I love.
Our physical body won’t last forever, and I don’t know about you, but I want to be one of those 90 year olds that still likes to dance, and go out with her friends. It is my freedom and my responsibility to use my time wisely, to find the happiness, peace and joy my heart, my body and my soul deserves and wants for as long as I have in this world. I think happiness could be the key to our health, or at least I’d like to believe so, because when I’m happy my relationships and my world is soo much better!
Speaking of our time in this lifetime. Time can feel short and yet so long depending on what we are doing. But what I think really matters is, how is what I’m doing with my time, making me feel today? What does my body, mind and soul need?
One of those constant time realizations for me, is when I sink into the social media whole and the scrolling habits begin to suck away my time and daily life, leaving me exhausted and unhappy for no legitimate reason.
We live in such a different time, and we really have to learn to be responsible with our consumptions in not just the physical world but now also in the virtual world!
This is a new virtual world for us, and I think it’s important that we learn the balance of it for ourselves, so it’s there to support us and not to work against us.
Does my consumption match my core values and bring value to my daily life with myself and my loved ones? What is a small change I can create now to consume less and create more of what I love?
For me, it was realizing social media was the place I needed to spend the LEAST amount of time. My time needs to be where the hardest and most valuable work continues to take place since I founded this business, Purposeful Dreamer LLC to grow at PurposefulDreamer.CO, the virtual creative space I’ve dreamed of since that painting I made for our Bearded Dragon’s tank and where I get to host my self-expression and provide a place for others to do the same.
If you want to be part of it and learn about this creative purposeful dreamer journey, you can follow me here and receive emails, once or twice a month at most, with the very important creative lessons that are building our gallery.
I’m building this virtual space, not just for me, but for every Purposeful Dreamer and artist that joins the gallery, from the big hearted creatives that have never put something out to sale but need to make some space and want to find a purpose for their work, to the experienced artists looking for support and a new path to expose their beautiful masterpieces. As we grow, I will find my way through social media but the core of Purposeful Dreamer will be at our website, where you can receive exclusive messages of inspiration and updates on our creative purposeful journey.
This website is my dream, and like LL Cool J says:
“Dreams don’t have deadlines”
Here is the thing, you and I have a choice to give in the ways that feel the most true to ourselves. And that includes on many occasions, making changes that may seem “out of the norm” for most.
With social media taking the world by a storm, and the endless information and resources available on the internet, there seems to be two new ways to be, one in the virtual world and one in the real world, and it’s easy to get caught up in the pressure to do what everyone else is doing.
The amount of time I was spending scrolling, creating content, updating my every move, etc through social media didn’t feel right for me, and there is no judgment for those who do and benefit from it. I’m here digitally too, but I’m finding my own ways to feel good about it, but my real world relationships including the one with myself, have to come first.
Working smarter not harder, and finding joy, and giving myself the gift of time for my self care.
My son has made me realize how much our generations are different and how technology plays such a big part of it. It’s an experience no adult or parent has had to leave through before, and we are all just doing our best here.
I have truly enjoyed sharing everything here since Purposeful Dreamer started in 2020. This dream is only the beginning. I have been so inspired by the amazing people I’ve gotten to meet here. I truly want to thank you for following me here and all your support.
Purposeful Dreamer is only getting started. Check out my latest art pieces and latest posts. Sign up for exclusive updates on our art gallery and blog.